I look better un-naked...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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