i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
