walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
