pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize