bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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