She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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