i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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