Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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