Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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