Umm I'm too high to move.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
