My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
