OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How naked do you want me to be?
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