The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
