wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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