i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
