The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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