My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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