It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
