She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
