the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
