My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
