she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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