I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
