actually, I'm a sock model
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
