please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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