Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
