Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
