stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
