i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
