Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
