oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
