she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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