Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
from now on my penis is your penis
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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