Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
