Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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