nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
