I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
