I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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