Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
