i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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