just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
