What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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