Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
