he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize