Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
