Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
