Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize