either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
