Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
