i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
