Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is wine microwaveable?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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