i need an iv and a liver transplant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
