You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
foreskin is a definite game changer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
