I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
