I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
