I want you more than these girls want KFC
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
