Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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