For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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