Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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