I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
