Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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