I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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