I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How does one acquire holy water?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
