If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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