I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
