The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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