The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize