so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
