Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't notice because vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
