Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
