its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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